Against the Dying of the Light
by badtzumaru
Summary: Some would say that she was the angel that saved them. Others cursed her name as the demon from hell itself. From a small town girl in Oklahoma to a premier agent of Blackwatch, Ahmya knew how to live under the radar, far from the public eye. But when she is forced to either take a stand and step into the light or abandon her peers and fade away, can she make the right choice?
1. Prologue

**Against the Dying of the Light**

* * *

 _Though wise men at their end know dark is right,_

 _Because their words had forked no lightning they_

 _Do not go gentle into that good night._

 _\- Dylan Thomas, "Do not go gentle into that good night"_


	2. Walk Tall

**Chapter 1 - Walk Tall**

 _My mother once told me that no one is really "normal." Instead we grow up with this conceived notion that anything typical to our situation is some sort of norm that stretches across the borders of a communal experience. Does such a communal experience even exist? Is there truly any shared experience that transcends language, culture, and barriers of brick, plaster, and steel? I used to think so. That was when I was young, just a country girl from Oklahoma, when the world was bright and still full of hope. I still sometimes catch those glimmers, but traveling the world has taught me many things that disprove the conjectures I once held._

 _But putting philosophy aside for the sake of my story, we were pretty normal. My family, at least. There was nothing outstanding about us; we talked, we laughed, we grew into our trades and worked hard. We were civilians who had established themselves comfortably into a world of change, a world rapidly devolving into chaos. While the world around us spiraled out of control we held on to one another, tethered to a commonality and a brutal strength that kept us connected._

 _Would we have remained that way forever, had I not gone up on that roof on that summer's evening?_

 _Sorry, I tend to get distracted. Back to my story._

 _The Omnic Crisis was where we took our stand. Perhaps we were privileged in a way that our fellow neighbors were not; our family had known persecution during another world war back years ago, my father's family working hard to leave the harsh life of the internment camps and reintegrate into a new world that despised them based on their skin. In this light, the Omnics of the mid twenty-first century were no different from the Japanese of the twentieth. Obaa-san and dad saw that in particular, and the two of them led our family with an unwavering iron fist that demanded we consider others before ourselves._

 _Empathy, sympathy, understanding. History is cyclical, but I never understood how people could suddenly turn on others in need. I think that was where we started to deviate from the norm. We couldn't stand by idly while others were chased down, hunted. Our history was fresh in our minds, and we refused to stand aside._

 _Walk tall, my grandmother said. Obaa-san made sure I learned that lesson early._

* * *

It was a time of transition, when the hazy morning rolls from blue to gold, where dust motes lazily drifted in suspense, the sluggish light of the eleventh hour of the morning dragging through slatted window shades and bumbling into the dark wood of the office. Out of sheer spite, the five year old refused to move from her position where the sun blazed into her eyes, vision blurring and straining from the excessive light as she sat on the dentist green plastic chair, swinging her legs as they dangled above the ground. Her small hands clenched the sides of the chair, eyes boring into the secretary's desk in front of her. Perhaps she could blame the intense light for the avoidance of looking into the greying woman's eyes, but her stubbornness convinced herself that it was her anger at her position, the injustice to her situation.

Of course she wasn't at fault this time; Denzel had it coming. He had it coming since he opened his mouth to snottily compare Shiori and Mirai to the dirty hogs that his family owned and labeled as a business. Everyone knew that Denzel was a spoiled brat who liked to brag about his latest toys and generally open his mouth to douse the room with the excretement that flowed without an end, but no one dared to stand up to him. Until today, of course. Ahmya allowed a small smirk to grace her lips before forcing it away, recalling how he had squealed in horror when she had grabbed a fist of hair and pulled him towards her other waiting fist. Just like the pig he was. The contact had made a resounding snap in the classroom, and while her fist was still smarting from the blow, it had been completely worth it to wipe that smug look off his wiry lips.

The roar of an engine alerted both Ahmya and the secretary to the arrival of a new individual, so loud that most of the school would be wondering who had appeared on the school campus. The deafening motor outside preceded the silence that followed as the engine was cut, then the crunching of gravel outside the door alerting both pairs of ears to the approach of the girl's impending salvation and doom. She refused to wince externally, but the loud engine gave away the identify of the guardian that had come to pick her up, and the small girl was almost certain that she would have preferred her mother or even her father at the moment. A door slammed outside, followed by the more delicate shifting of the gravel. The girl's gut clenched, her eyes trailing to the door on her left, waiting for the inevitable face of disapproval.

The wooden door creaked open to reveal a small, elderly, Japanese woman, who clutched her purse as she tucked away the keys to the behemoth of a vehicle outside. Silvery white hair was curled perfectly around her head, complementing and contrasting the fresh coat of red lipstick that was impeccably placed on a pair of lips that pressed themselves into a thin line. Dark eyes immediately locked onto the small girl, curiously blank. Then they were lifted off of her granddaughter, turning now to the secretary who rose from her position behind the desk.

"Ah, Mrs. Fujiwara. Principal Coutrier is waiting in his office."

A single nod from her regal head was all she needed to proceed as she walked with head held high to another dark door. The secretary motioned for the little girl to follow with a blank smile and flick of the wrist. Hesitation and dread weighed her ankles down as she slid from the chair, taking care to grab her brown backpack and hoisting it upon one shoulder before belaying her feelings and walking with head held high in suit of the elder. She would not show fear in this place. Following her grandmother's example, she carried herself with poise, following in her guardian's footsteps. The elder woman held the door open with one hand, waiting for the younger who quickly filed into the next room.

There were two more of those dentist green chairs in front of the desk where Principal Coutrier sat, a balding British man in his late fifties. His eyes shifted from his computer to the entering duo, which he regarded with a wary smile. The sight filled the young girl's heart with a wicked warmth; he obviously didn't quite know how to approach the elder woman, who had entered with a reckless regality of her own. It was obvious that the younger took after the elder, both wearing neutral expressions that only vaguely distracted from the wizened, understanding look that leeched from brown eyes. Even more distracting was the fact that both seemed to comprehend and relish in the fact that they could unnerve anyone with a flattening look.

"Mrs. Fujiwara," he began, clasping his hands on his desk and offering a shaky smile. "Thank you for arriving so quickly."

"Mrs. Murasaki or Ryoko will do, sir." Her voice was crisp, articulate as the words punched through the hazy morning and set the precedence for an even sharper mind. She did not relax into the chair behind her, posture ramrod straight as though entering a negotiation room where she obviously held the power. Her voice conveyed vague irritation at the lack of distinguishing between last names, but it was set aside for her push to business. "I do have to say that I am curious as to why Ahmya has been called into your office. Your secretary was lacking in detail."

She had leveled the playing ground with three sentences, and it was obvious to everyone that it was not a time to tread carefully around the subject. The principle sighed into his hands, slouching for a moment before rolling his shoulders back. "Ahmya here sent another student to the nurse's wing today."

"I see." A glare leveled the man again, as though to remind him who he was dealing with. Ahmya retained a neutral face, although her eyes shifted down to the wooden façade of the desk in order to calm herself from adopting a gleeful look. The mad had never dealt with her grandmother before. Most people had an idea of who they were dealing with after they saw the poise in her posture and her voice. Nothing could prepare them for the full force of Ryoko Murasaki, a fitting name for the dragon-like personality she wore like armor. He would be sweating in his seat now until they left. Ahmya could already see him shifting in his seat, trying not to cower or give any idea as to how uncomfortable he truly was. Even in his office, they all knew that he held no power here. Not when the mother dragon had emerged.

"And what," the elder woman continued, plucking words carefully to form her lyrical and potent sentences, "may I ask, was the reason?"

Courtrier cleared his throat awkwardly, breaking eye contact and looking to his desk. A tablet lay on the surface, and he picked it up, reading through the contents. Ahmya narrowed her eyes; she already knew that the tablet cited the reason for her being sent to the principal's office, filled out by both the teacher and the secretary outside the office. It would be slanted against her favor; the blonde woman who instructed Ahmya's class had refused to listen to her side of the story, only focusing on the fact that she had absolutely decked the son of one of the most affluent parents in the district. Fair hazel eyes scanned the document as he picked selections to read. "According to Mrs. Finnel, Ahmya punched Denzel in the face suddenly during class. He was sent to the nurse's office, and Ahmya directed here."

"I see." With two words, the regal matriarch conveyed her disappointment, although Ahmya was unsure of the reason. Turning her head to look at her granddaughter, the woman looked at her in the eyes. Ahmya knew better than to turn away and met them with a ferocity of her own, her rebelliousness that had carried her hands to action shining through and reading better than any words. "I notice that your account is rather one sided. And what was Ahmya's defense?"

"Er, well..."

A pause enveloped the room, and the shame that the elder woman inflicted into the guiding force of the elementary school was as palpable and tangible as a sword itself.

"Ahmya."

Her name called, Ahmya looked at her grandmother, the cool ice of their looks mutually understandable. "I would like to hear your side of the story."

"Denzel told me that Shiori and Mirai should be slaughtered like pigs." For the first time since her arrival in the office, her high voice rang out, flat and emotionless to convey the severity of what her peer had said. "He said they're no better than animals, and he wanted to get his gun and shoot 'em up."

The two Omnics that had recently moved to their ranch were fast becoming features in Ahmya's life that she clung to, particularly the younger Mirai. Ahmya's father had found them running through their field one evening, trying to hide in the dark of night with only a sliver of the moon to guide them. Unrest had already begun in the next town over, tensions between humans and Omnics ever rising and boiling at dangerous levels. Even far from some of the hotspots of the battlefield, citizens couldn't help but be wary of their mechanized neighbors. That often grew into hatred and an irrational fear, so much so that humans were driven to be more like animals with each passing day.

It was why the Fujiwara family had taken Shiori and Mirai in, providing asylum at least for a little while. It was supposed to be temporary, but Ahmya was particularly fond of the newest installations. Accompanied by the virtue that her family had instilled in her, as well as her quick fists and movements, she wasn't about to take any insults lying down, especially about the Omnics. To hear such dangerous words against her friends had moved her to defend their honor, war be damned. Ahmya was young, but she knew enough to understand that, if all Omnics were truly seeking to subjugate the entire human race, Shiori and Mirai would not have shown up in their fields as fugitives seeking shelter from a persecuting group that demanded their lives. She was not about to let Denzel run his mouth against such positive influences in her life, son of a wealthy family or not.

Ryoko turned back to the principal, a deceptively neutral look still covering her face although her eyes held a dangerous glint to them, daring the man to contradict her. "Well then, I don't suppose that you would reprimand a girl for defending the lives of other beings?"

Eyebrows frowned. "The Omnic Crisis-"

"Is no different from the persecution of the Jews and Japanese in the second world war, the citizens of the Middle East, and countless others. Individuals with a right to their own lives are being displaced and hunted down, and you would tell my granddaughter that she should stand by? Should she forget the history of her own people?"

It was the wrong answer from the principal, and even the middle-aged man couldn't help but flinch at the tone that lashed out at him. It was like watching a large beast being subdued by a creature three times smaller than its own, yet still he cowered, intimidated and shamed into submission as he flinched. When Ryoko stood up her height barely changed from her seated position, but the movement itself was powerful. The aura of strength and intimidation flowed freely from her small stature, a scowl now upon her lips as she looked down upon the man before her. "I will have a conversation with Ahmya about the physicality of her actions, but you should be ashamed. Those in privilege have a right and duty to defend those in need." She paused to allow the weight of her words to sink it. "I am ashamed of you here. Think about where your priorities lie."

With a swift turn from the desk, she moved to open the door. Ahmya took it as a sign to leave, sliding from the chair again and slinging the backpack over her shoulder. Sliding one last look at the principle, his gaze lacked intention as he stared into space; he had obviously not been prepared for such a reprimand from a small woman, but her words had left an impact. Only time would tell if he would actually do something about his own prejudices. Leaving the man to be lost in his thoughts, Ahmya exited the room, opening the next door out of the school and holding it open for her grandmother. The secretary gave a small wave and farewell as the two left, Ryoko reciprocating with a "goodbye" of her own before the door closed, leaving the duo to the world beyond the school.

Inhaling deep, the young girl breathed the free morning air, savoring the warmth and the taste of retreating summer. A silver pick up truck sat in the parking lot, sparkling in the sun and pushing more heat off of its gleaming surface. While Ahmya enjoyed classes and learning, there was nothing that quite matched the exhilaration of a warm breeze in contrast to the stale, air-conditioned environments of the school buildings. Silently she moved ahead of her grandmother's surefooted steps, both maneuvering around to the driver's side of the car. Unlocking the vehicle with an alto chirp sounding in the air, Ryoko opened the door for the small girl who scrambled into the backseat, buckling herself in quickly before allowing her elder to double check the harness. Assured that everything was secured, the elder woman hoisted herself into the driver's seat, ignition purring to life before pulling out and away from the cluster of buildings.

* * *

The suburban area melted into country roads, houses giving way slowly to swaths of land neatly divided by barbed wire and vegetation. Grassy patches popped out from the red earth, hardy plants that stuck to the crumbling foundations like glue. As houses became fewer and further in between, trees grew larger and unruly, twisting and branching to the desires of the sun drawn leaves. Empty, undeveloped fields became the norm as they drove on in silence, the thrum of the car's engine and the air conditioning providing white noise. It was a gray silence, with Ahmya half proud of her actions, half nervous at what her grandmother's reaction would be once they got home.

While it had been heartening for her grandmother to stand so boldly in front of the principal, she knew that there was to be some sort of discipline for her actions. As good as the action had felt, punching others was not a sufficient form of action, and she would surely be held accountable. Now that her grandmother had picked her up, the reaction could be much worse than if her father, or even her mother, had been called to the office. Her father might have laughed, her mother defending her actions and chuckling later, but grandmother was intense, holding herself with authority and a regal bearing. She was a queen without a kingdom, save for the plot of land they inhabited, but her divine right to rule was real.

The crossing over a bridge and swift right-handed turn down a narrow lane signified their fast approach toward home. The lack of conversation was unnerving, and Ahmya fidgeted with her hands in her lap, unwilling to instigate anything. Should she be sorry for her actions? Was she going to have to apologize? No. Her small hands clenched at the thought. There was no need for her to apologize; the blame was on that pig of a classmate that had dared to slander her family's good name and threaten their guests.

A white washed, two story house pulled into view, the truck parking horizontally to the freshly painted porch that still stood shaded in the morning sun. An Omnic exited the house, a metallic hand gently resting on the banister and observing quietly the approach of the human duo. Another figure stood further in the doorway of the house, the dull silver mimicking the appearance of the Omnic outside.

"Ahmya."

The call of her name forced her to turn her head to her grandmother. The elder refused to meet her gaze, instead fidgeting with her purse as she lay the car keys inside. "Would you start the kettle? I'll be inside in a moment."

Opening the door and sliding out of the seat, bending knees to soften the harsh landing on the hard packed dirt outside, Ahmya slid her arms into her bag and trudged into the house. It was lecture time, and if it was anything to tell the kettle by, it was going to be a long one too. Head bowed to the dirt, she shuffled past the Omnic on the porch and into the house, removing her shoes quickly before making her way into the kitchen.

"Is everything alright?"

The robotic voice of Mirai made Ahmya pause, forcing her to look at her young companion. Her metal had been polished recently, a dull shine appearing even in the muted hallway. It was a much different vision from when the two Omnics had appeared at their door, covered in mud and wild grasses, their appearances sullied in both an effort to sneak away and an inability to clean themselves off, running without an end in sight. Seeing Mirai now only reminded Ahmya of the reason why she had failed to endure her first day of school, and a scowl crossed her face.

"Obaa-san said to make tea."

A tilt of the head acknowledged the statement, although surely still confused at the unfolding of the day's events. It was certainly out of the ordinary to see any one of the kids home so early from school. "Set your bag down. I'll start the kettle."

Redirecting her attention, Ahmya allowed Mirai to brush past her, the coolness of the metal plating making her skin tingle in the warm morning. The Omnic busied herself in the kitchen while Ahmya walked into the dining room, pulling an old oaken chair out to the left of the head and hoisting her frame into it. Setting her backpack on the chair next to her, she crossed her legs and folder her hands into her lap, biding her time before her lecture. She wasn't sorry. She wasn't, and she wouldn't ever be. But what was going to happen?

A few minutes passed before the familiar shrieking of the kettle's whistle sounded from the next room over, the sound dying down as two sets of feet entered the house. The matron of the family entered first, Shiori following and moving into the kitchen to converse quietly with Mirai as cups and the age old tea pot were pulled from cupboards. Ryoko sat at the head of the table, acknowledging the two Omnics with a nod of her head and a soft "thank you" as they brought the tea tray and set it in between the two. Leaving the two human women, the Shiori and Mirai quietly left the house, exiting the back door and most likely heading for the barn. Ahmya's father had given them free reign of the space, a large room filled with his latest inventions and tinkerings, and now a place where the Omnics to could help themselves to any repairs or anything to pass the time.

With smooth movements, Ryoko poured herself granddaughter a cup of tea first, nodding in acknowledgement at the quiet "thank you" that came from Ahmya. For a minute there was little sound, save for the sipping of hot tea and the rustling of grasses that came from the fields beyond. In the golden morning Ahmya felt a sort of tension, a pulling and mixing of feelings; grandmother had defended her, but surely she wasn't off the hook? It didn't seem right.

"What you did was reckless." Sipping her tea, the elder set the cup gently onto the table. "What would you have done if that boy had retaliated?"

"He wouldn't have," Ahmya muttered, eyes lowered at the table. "Denzel's a coward. He's all talk."

"Then why didn't you let him just talk, if that's all he's good for?"

"You said it!" An explosion. Brilliant brown eyes shimmered with anger and hurt. "You said we can't just stand by! I can't just let anyone talk about Shiori and Mirai."

For a moment the matriarch of the family sat in silence, looking at her granddaughter. For the first time, Ahmya refused to look away, to defer to her elder. And yet, it was not out of disrespect; the third youngest child and the only granddaughter Ryoko had so far had the disrespect beaten out of her practically from birth. It was a stunning moment, sitting in the warm Oklahoma air, to see the soul of a child. The child who saw the injustice in the world, and sought to correct it any way possible, even if it was with only with her two tiny hands.

"You did the right thing." Surprise lit up the child's eyes as she stared back at her grandmother. "Are you listening to me? Listen carefully, Ahmya." Grandmother leaned over to grandchild, the younger meeting her halfway to listen to a careful secret. "Never stop fighting for what's right. Someday, you'll get beaten into the ground. You'll be torn apart. But never stop, because doing the right thing hurts sometimes. Do you understand?"

There was fear in her eyes, the realization that someday, someone would fight back. But Ahmya nodded. "Yes, 'baa-chan."

Perhaps years later she would look back on that moment partially in fondness, partially in pain. From that moment where she had heard about her granddaughter's explosive temperament, Ryoko knew that she was destined to soar high and fall hard. Like mother, like daughter, like granddaughter; perhaps it was in their blood to rage and fight against the world that wanted to smash everyone under its thumb. To strike out when cornered, to rally behind all that was good in the world, it was a feature that was passed down in the women. Gods knew that the men in their family had turned out passive, bless them still.

But there was a spark in Ahmya that Ryoko had not seen in her daughter, Ahmya's mother. A resistance, and temperament that would push boundaries and look for trouble. Time would only tell if she would rise to the challenge and survive the trouble that would inevitably come looking for her.

Only time would tell.

Taking another sip of her tea, she looked at her granddaughter. "You'll clean up the mess you left in the barn. Come back in time for lunch."

A grin was slathered on Ahmya's tiny lips, remaining as she slid out of her chair and hugged the elder woman from the side. Muttering a small thank you she took off into the late morning sun, off to complete her chores. Both of them knew that it really wasn't a punishment, more of a mockery of the act considering that Ryoko approved of her granddaughter's violence.

Only time would tell what would become of her anger, for better or for worse.

* * *

For every choice we make, an alternate universe exists where we made another.

So goes one philosophy. It makes for an infinite number of universes, and all from one person.

What would have happened if you decided to buy lettuce instead of broccoli? Perhaps nothing very different.

But what would have happened if you decided to take a stand for something in front of a crowd of people, rather than sit aside passively? Would people think differently of you, for better or for worse? Would you make new enemies? Would you draw others in even closer?

One punch thrown, one event that could have gone different. But for better or for worse, it had begun a series of events that Ahmya could not have foreseen. It would be bold, perhaps even facetious, to say that the punch she had thrown was the beginning of her story, the singularity that decided her path. But it would be amiss to say that the events on that day had little to influence her future.

Some may believe that a single instance can change one's fate. Others believe that it is a buildup of a multitude of events that makes a person or breaks them. The truth is out there somewhere, though people may never ever find it.

But one thing was for certain: the foundation had been set.

And the theater began to build up.

* * *

 **AN:** Surprise! I'm not dead, but I'm also not working on the other story! (runs away)

I know, I'm procrastinating working on Limitless V2 (and also procrastinating a paper that's due tomorrow for class) but hey! At least I'm writing! I've had this story tucked away for almost a year now, and only in the past few days have I begun working on it again. I've actually written quite a few chapters, and I'm pleased with where it's going, so I decided to upload it and see what everyone thinks.

Please review and leave a comment! And I'll do my best to get back to working on Limitless soon... As soon as I figure out how to get around my writer's block with that nutcase.

 **Edit 1 (Mar. 15, 2019):** Added details, minor grammatical/ spelling changes


	3. Dear Diary

**Chapter 2 – Dear Diary**

* * *

 **Aug. 25, 2046**

Dear Diary,

My name is Ahmya but thats silly becuz you already know my name. Anyway obaachan gave me you becuz she wants me to have a diary. I think its cool that I have you so I can write down my thots and stuff which is cool. I dunno what to write now.

Until later,

AF

* * *

 **Aug. 26, 2046**

Dear Diary,

Today was the second day of school. There wasnt much to do. My teacher is cool. I like this one kid in my class but don't tell anyone cuz its a secret

IF YOU READ THIS AND YOU ARE NOT AHMYA THEN YOUR GONNA BE IN BIG TROUBLE

AF

* * *

 **Sept. 17, 2046**

Dear Diary,

Is it weird that I keep writing dear diary? Becuz you know its you and stuff. idk not much to write today was boring.

AF

* * *

 **Sept. 20, 2046**

Dear Diary,

Guess what? I was watching tv with mom and theres these heroes called overwatch and theyre gonna save the world. I hope they dont fight all the omniks becuz I really like Shiori and Mirai they are good omniks and I hope they stay for a long time. Mom and dad really like them too so I think they will stay with us.

I dont think I told you but when I was in kindergarden I beat up Denzel because he said mean things about Mirai and Shiori. It was really funny and I liked it becuz he never shuts up and hes a stupid person but I got sent to the prinsipls office but it was okay because obaachan piked me up and I got to go home and eat icecream.

Okay gotta go moms making dinner.

AF

* * *

 **Jan. 03, 2054**

Dear Diary,

Wow I'm really bad at keeping a diary.

I guess it's a good idea to do New Year's cleaning. This was stuck under my bed in the corner, and I totally forgot about it. Do I have to write dear diary anymore? I think I'm just gonna make this a journal instead.

So much has changed. I'm 13 now. And the Omnic crisis is over. We're coming up on the five year anniversary this year, which is crazy. I'm gonna be in high school soon too.

Shiori and Mirai are still with us. The war felt really weird, like we weren't really a part of it. There wasn't any fighting near us, so we just felt at peace. Except for those assholes in town that are super anti-Omnic. Whatever. I can take them on.

Raijin is graduating high school this year. I think I'm gonna have to fight a lot more now that he's not gonna be there. Asas isn't any help too. He's too scrawny. I still love him though. He's so smart. I think he's gonna leave high school early and go to college soon anyway.

Everyone's doing fine. I'm gonna try to keep writing in this more often now.

AF

* * *

 **Aug. 02, 2054**

School starts in about a week. I'm finally gonna be in high school, which is kind of weird. Kind of a big deal, but kind of not at the same time? I know other people in my class are excited, but my parents don't care. Doesn't matter until I graduate university, right?

A lot of people have dropped from the gymnastic team. I'm one of three left for my age group. They think I should go for nationals. I'm thinking about it. Circuit's been a mess since the Omnic Crisis. Last year was in California, so who knows if it'll be close enough for me to travel to? Anyway, guess it's nice since I get more time to practice on the beams and the mat. Less traffic. Maybe I'll go to the college level. Might as well at this point. It's the only thing I love anymore.

Honestly I'm worried. I heard from Raijin that Asas hasn't been coping well at school. Tons of kids pick on him. I've seen the bruises. I'm gonna do something about it, if I can.

Bullies are… uGHHHHHH :|

 _[pen scratches like a black cloud fill the rest of the page]_

Hopefully there'll be a lot more kids so I don't have to hang out with the kids from my middle school. Those trashcans are the worst.

So here's to the next school year. Let's hope I survive, and the rest of those kids end up in a trash can.

From my hands throwing them in there.

* * *

 **Aug. 12, 2054**

That didn't take long. Got into my first fight this week. Two days into school.

Those asswipes had it coming. They stole Asas's books and chucked them out the window of the science lab on the second floor. Good news is that they didn't see me coming. Bad news is I'm probably in for it tomorrow.

I told Asas to keep quiet about it. He hates hiding stuff from Raijin especially. I just don't want Raijin to worry. He's at Uni and I don't wanna bother him anymore. It's not his fight anymore. He's not in high school anymore, and Asas sure isn't gonna fight. That shrimp. How is my older brother so shrimpy? Actually, even Raijin's scrawny too, but at least he has a mean left hook. Always throws the other kids off.

It's my turn now. I'm gonna protect Asas with everything I have. God knows I don't have a reputation to lose anymore anyway.

* * *

 **Aug. 13, 2054**

Maybe I should have seen it coming.

They got me good. Lunch time outside the cafeteria. They lured me outside. I should've seen it. Three of them ganged up on me.

That's not the bad part. I handed their asses to them. But SOMEONE had to cry wolf and get the teachers. They called 'baa-chan. At least it wasn't mom or dad.

She was pissed. But not as bad as it could've been. We went for ice cream after I got released from school early. Damn shame; I missed Spanish today after lunch. But totally worth it. Those kids can go to hell.

Anyway I got a shiner I gotta explain to mom and dad tonight. They're not gonna be happy. Neither will Raijin.

Totally worth it.

* * *

 **Aug. 15, 2054**

Gymnastics practice is getting brutal. I don't know what's going on in coach's mind, but she's kicking my ass in particular. I stg he's on my ass even more than Marie and Stella. Probably because I can wipe their asses on the bars. Helps being a smallass shrimp sometimes. Being short is only ever good at gym. Sucks at school.

Except I can dodge people in fights real good. So, there's that I guess.

Almost punched Dylan today. He's a downright pig. I hope he gets recruited into the military and they kick him out for being such an idiot. He's failed algebra. Twice. All that stink his parents threw about how their son was so special and gifted, and he still can't remember the Pythagorean theorem. Rich kids. Get a damn tutor. Actually, he just needs a brain transplant, since he obviously can't think. All that money should be able to buy him that much, right? Can't buy him manners anyway.

Asswipe.

* * *

 **Oct. 02, 2054**

Another day, another fight. Asas again. I want to kick his ass, just because he gets his ass handed to him so much. Shouldn't the older brothers be protecting the younger sister? I'm the shrimpiest of the lot, and yet I'm handing out ass whoopins like it's a sale on a clearance rack.

This time I got scolded from 'baa-chan. She says I shouldn't pick too many fights. Maybe I should tone it down. I heard that Asas is trying to convince mom and dad to let him graduate early so he can go to college. I dunno how I feel about that. I don't wanna be left alone. But he's smart, and going to college would be good for him. He shouldn't be in this shit hole of a high school anymore, he's too good for it.

Asas is going to go places. He wants to go into medicine. I know dad's disappointed, but Raijin's already going into mechanical engineering. At least that's one son. Mom and dad'll be proud of both of them anyway. We all are. They're smart. They're good older brothers.

I know they're worrying about me. I get into the fights. And I fight dirty. Not the best example for Shuuske and Shinon. They're still young. Shuuske's starting to be like me thought. Fighting. Not as much as me though. He's smart about it. Real subtle and sneaky, that little devil. Shinon's too sweet. She's like Asas like that. But I know she holds her own.

Coach is taking me to a few regionals pretty soon. I hear they're gonna reinstate the Olympics in a few years. It's gonna be back in Greece, where it all began. About time, since the Omnic Crisis really put a hold to everything. I wonder if I'll be able to go.

I'm bad at journaling. I was doing good, but I stopped. Whatever. Not like anyone's reading this. Thank god. I'd rather swallow a can of worms than have someone read this.

* * *

 **Apr. 15, 2055**

Asas did it. He's graduating early. I know he's doing it so he can get classes and be a novelty and prodigy, but I know it's also because of me. He doesn't want me fighting his battles anymore and getting in trouble.

I don't have a problem with it. It's not like I'm going to stop fighting. There's plenty of assholes that still try to get to me. But at least they're my age now. I can deck them single handedly.

So far this school year I've gotten into twelve fights. Which is good? That's like, about two fights a month if you break that down. I know mom and dad's not happy. 'Baa-chan doesn't even seem phased at this point. Honestly she's kind of enabling me? Not much of a punishment if we go out for ice cream every time I get suspended for the day. God bless her. Let her live a hundred more years, god willing.

But Asas is joining Raijin soon. They're gonna start carpooling. They did so he could take his placement test. At least the university isn't terribly far, like a thirty minute drive or so. I wonder if I'll ever catch up to them, or if I'll be going by myself. Gotta make these moments last, going to school with Asas for only another month or so. I'm gonna miss him. Not like he's gonna be really gone yet though.

Shuuske's being more of a rat than usual. Raijin says it's my fault, since I'm the middle sibling and they see me the most. I don't see it. Whatever. But I do know that Shuuske's not interested in mechs. He doesn't like tinkering in the garage with the four of us, dad, Raijin, Asas, and me. Although Asas is going with us a little less. He might be going into medical tech, but we know he's not really gonna be like dad or Raijin.

Oh, exciting! We fully transformed the barn. Coach convinced my parents. She gave us some old equipment so I can practice outside of practice. Half the barn is still our tech stuff, but the rest is like a jungle gym for me to practice. It's the best. I swear Raijin has to drag me out of there for dinner and to go to sleep too. I never leave it anymore.

I took gold at the past two regionals. Coach thinks I can go to nationals. It's gonna be in state, about an hour's drive from here. I'm gonna do it. It's in July. I'm gonna train hard, so I probably won't be able to write as much anymore. Just this update for now.

Life's hard. But I'm gonna kick it harder.

* * *

 **Jul. 30, 2055**

Second place.

I've never been so angry in my life.

'Course, coach says the only thing worse than second is fourth. So, I can't really complain. But I did it.

And that means the Olympics.

They're finally getting around to it, since the Omnic Crisis really put a damper on everything. But they're happening next summer. Greece. I've got so much training to do. Mom says she'll pull me out if my grades slip though. Guess I'm gonna have to fight less.

I'm making a promise. I'm not going to fight this year. I'm going to focus. For myself, for Shuuske, for Asas. For everyone in my family. I'm gonna do it.

I think this is the happiest I've ever been in my life. Right here, right now, in this moment. I can't imagine things getting any better. I'm just I don't know. Life is just full. My heart is full.

Except for that gold.

I'm gonna get it.

* * *

 **Oct. 22, 2055**

Coach said to make a note of today. It was important.

Today was the first day I got my floor routine perfect five times in a row.

Next time, it's going to be seven times in a row.

Gold medal.

* * *

 **Jan. 22, 2056**

I'm so confused.

So there's this boy. We've been in the same English class this past year. He's really sweet, and he likes me. Darius Knollridge. Not gonna lie, I saw him around last year. He's cute.

But I can't afford any distractions. Not with the Olympics coming up in a couple months. We're going to Colorado in a week. I'm gonna be missing almost a full semester of classes for training. He's going to be one of my partners to give me the work I miss.

We'll be in contact the entire time. I like him. He likes me. But I can't do this right now.

Maybe when this is all over. If he can wait.

Maybe.

* * *

 **Feb. 01, 2056**

Colorado is nice. I was sick for like three days from the altitude change. But training up at this height will make us stronger. I miss home already. But I can do this.

Darius called earlier. We talked for almost thirty minutes. Whenever he flirts, I get butterflies in my stomach. It's a lot like the nerves I get before I do my routines. I don't know how I feel about that.

The girls here are so nice. Itri's the one who won gold at nationals, but she's the nicest one here. Eva and Mara are the bronze and fourth, and they're sweet too. Somehow I've become the leader of the four of us. It's almost strange that I don't have to fight anyone here? Even though we've only been together for a little while, we're really getting along well. Mara and I share a room, and we had Itri and Eva come over for a sleepover last night. I haven't had that much fun since I did that stuff with Shinon when she was in preschool.

Being friends with girls is strange. But I gotta admit it's nice. Nicer than having to watch my back all the time.

Time to sleep now. More training tomorrow. It's gonna get rough.

* * *

 **Feb. 08, 2056**

Raijin and Asas called today. Well, everyone really. They're all doing well, especially Asas. Apparently he's already at the top of his chemistry and biology classes. Nerd. If he weren't at the top, I'd be scared. I've missed Shinon. I've been thinking about her a lot, now that I'm with the girls here. I think she'd like to meet them. She's growing fast, that little bean. I'm gonna be the shortest one in our family soon.

Though I did have a growth spurt. I think. I had growing pains last night, unless I was just really sore from those new exercises coach threw at us.

Please tell me I'm growing.

Actually, that's bad. That'll throw me off on my routines. I'll have to adjust for my height.

DEAR GOD PLEASE DON'T LET ME GROW LET ME STAY THIS HEIGHT PLEASE

Darius has been really sweet. He's been helping me out with chem homework as well, even though we're not in the same exact class. Same teacher. In return, I help him with English. He's pretty good, but I'm a little better.

That's a lie. I'm a lot better. And honestly, I know most of the chem stuff. But he really likes it, so I just let him ramble sometimes. It's funny and sweet.

He says he misses me a lot. Misses when I make fun of Dylan behind his back. I can't believe he saw me doing that. But honestly, I don't miss the fighting. Nice not to have to wear a black eye to school or practice and have a million questions.

Eva had a bad fall today. We all have those days. We thought it was going to be bad, but she just needs a couple days of rest. We're gonna go over to Eva and Itri's room to review the day's routines and to stretch out. We've pretty much done that every night so far. It's like a routine in itself. We're all motivated. We want to be the top team. I believe we can do it.

* * *

 **May 26, 2056**

School's done. It's time to hit the ground running.

I'm feeling good about the Olympics. We've got a couple months left. But Itri's getting nervous already. When we get to the final reps, she's getting shaky. Performance anxiety? I hope she can handle it. She's so strong. Like, ridiculously.

We're all feeling good about it collectively though. Russia might be a problem though. At least, they used to be, apparently. Coach said that's what she remembers from when she used to watch the Olympics years ago. Who knows who'll be strongest? I hope it's us coming out on top.

Darius asked me to go on a date with him when I get back.

Feelings.

But there's work to be done first.

* * *

 **Aug. 01, 2056**

It's go time.

We just got to Greece. It's going to be a tough schedule. I just wanted to mark this down in my journal.

It's beautiful here. Coach promised us that we'll go sightseeing some time when we're done. Gymnastics is gonna be held near the end of the first week anyway, so we'll have plenty of time when we're done. Mom and dad are gonna be here in a couple days for the opening ceremony. 'Baa-chan is holding down the fort at home. Everyone said that they'll be watching. "Glued to the t.v." they said. I believe them.

Darius said he'll be watching from home and cheering too. I can't wait to see him again at the end of this.

I don't think I'm going to add another entry until this is all done.

So expect big news next time.

* * *

 **Aug. 10, 2056**

Gold.

Gold, gold, gold, gold, gold. I DID IT.

The United States came out on top. We almost had flawless routines. Unfortunately, Itri choked on the floor routine and on the vault just slightly. I ended up coming in first.

Now I feel less bad about that silver back a year ago. Itri was disappointed, but she's happy. The Fabulous Four, they're calling us. We practically demolished everyone else. I can't stop looking at it.

We're going out tonight to celebrate.

Forever. This memory, right here.

* * *

 **Oct. 21, 2056**

Surprise, surprise. Guess who's terrible at updating this journal?

Darius and I are going out now. Everyone at school was shocked. But on a good note, I haven't gotten into any fights since my first year. I think it's time for a new me to come forward. I have to be a model face anyway after that win. People have been really nice to me anyway. It's mostly fake, I can tell. Still, it makes my life a little easier in that sense.

At least with Darius, he's been with me since before my medal. He's really the only person I know that isn't trying to cling to me just because I'm famous now. He's been really nice and supportive.

I think I'm going to introduce him to everyone around Christmas or New Years. Can't hide it from my parents much longer anyway.

* * *

 **Jan. 07, 2057**

Happy New Year!

This year, I want to take another two golds at the regionals I have. I also have to start thinking about colleges. Applications are gonna start in the fall. Isn't that wild how I'm gonna be graduating in a little over a year? I feel like freshman year was so close but so far. Shuuske's going to start high school in a few years. That's so weird to think about. Shinon's in middle school already too?

Things with Darius are still going strong. Mom and dad aren't too thrilled about him, but they've strangely kept mostly to themselves about it. I'm just happy they're approving him. He's been so great to me.

But something isn't sitting right with me.

He's really into me. He's even hinted at getting married someday. That's kind of weird to me. I can't even think beyond the next Olympics, let alone getting married. It's just not my thing. It makes me a little uncomfortable, but I dunno. Maybe I'm just being sensitive.

He's been getting really clingy too. Physically. Which I enjoy. But I'm not an object either. He keeps saying that "you're mine." No, I'm my own individual. No one owns me.

I'm not sure. Something to keep thinking about then.

* * *

 **Jul. 12, 2057**

How did I not see it?

Reading my past entries makes me sick.

Mom saw it. She said that you can never see it when you're in the relationship.

I wish I knew earlier.

Mom says that she's letting me pull out and start college classes so he can't bother me anymore.

But sometimes I can still feel his hands on me.

How did I spend so many years fighting, but when it came to that night, I couldn't do anything but take it? The slapping. The shoving.

I should have done something.

It makes me sick.

* * *

 **May 25, 2058**

I'm graduated.

Almost a year since my last journal entry.

I'm doing better. There are days when I feel stuck in those memories of that night, when I can't control my mind and I slide back into that exact moment. I'm always going to be thankful for Raijin. He's really my hero. Shiori and Mirai still live here with us too; they started teaching me some meditative practices to help me refocus myself. Apparently there's this famous Omnic monk who's doing a lot of work for Omnic equality. To be honest, it really helps me. The meditating, that is. I'm also happy that there's someone out there working for equality. People out here still aren't the kindest to Omnics. That's what you get for living in a somewhat backwater town.

Apparently Darius and his family moved out of the area not far into the school year. Rumors travel quick. Serves him right. Raijin wanted to get a restraining order on him, but it wasn't like he came around these parts after Raijin threatened to shoot him in the face if he got anywhere near me again.

I take back everything I said about having to defend my brothers all this time. They're more than capable of pulling their own weight. It's good to know that they have my back, after all those years of me holding them up. Even Asas admitted that he wanted to tear his head off. Or at least pull his hair out. Thinking of Asas wanting to do anything violent is almost amusing.

But I finished my high school diploma. I'm going to the same university as Asas. Raijin already graduated. He landed a job at dad's place. Genius mechanical engineers, the two of them. He deserves it, for all the work he's put in. I'm happy for him. Asas is getting ready to up and leave soon too. He'll be off to medical school soon.

I don't know what I want to do yet. I'm going to withdraw from nationals this year. My heart just isn't in it. Even coach knows it. I've already told Itri, Eva, and Mara. They're sad, but I promised that I'll come see them. That seemed to tide them over. We're the Fabulous Four after all, through and through. The first team since the Omnic Crisis to win.

That part of my life is behind me.

I want to build a new me. I think I might study languages. Maybe travel the world, work as a translator. Who knows? I think it's time to try something new.

It's time to heal.

* * *

 **July 26, 2058**

There's been a bunch of thunderstorms in the area. I wonder what it's like, when lightning strikes. I hear it's like a fire that's all too hot and cold at the same time. I heard dad talking with mom last night that he probably needs to check the lightning rod on the barn; it's getting kind of old, and it probably needs to be checked again. I can't let him get up there. I'll do it for him. Raijin and Asas are out of town this weekend, but these storms can appear out of nowhere. Can't wait for them to get back.

Thinking of that lightning, it kind of reminds me of phoenixes. How they can burn into ash, only to emerge anew. I heard that after two years, every cell in your body will die and be replaced with new ones.

In two years, I will have a body that is untouched by that boy.

I can live in hope of that day.

* * *

AN: Yeah it's only taken me six months to figure out how the hell to write this chapter. I was bored of writing full on novel stuff. At this point, I'm kind of incapable of writing that much backstory, so I... cheated? Not really. Technically, the genre of "journal" is a valid method of storytelling... right? (lol)

Thanks to those of you that have hung in here with this story! I actually have about seven chapters that have been sitting around, waiting to be updated on here, so hopefully I can crank a few more chapters out a little more quickly.

Thank you, thank you, thank you. 3


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